Deconstructing motherhood
An exploration into the social and historical construction, possibility, and responsibility of motherhood and mothering in the 21st century and beyond.September 2024 - June 2025
Facilitated by Toi SmithEnrollment is now closed
Deconstructing motherhood
Program Terms Of ServiceDeconstructing Motherhood is a 10-month exploration, not a month-to-month exploration, even though those participating can do so by paying in 10-monthly installments. Therefore, enrolling means you are 100% responsible for the entire program cost regardless of how long or how much you participate after the cancellation period expires.If, after enrolling, you decide that Deconstructing Motherhood is not for you, you have through the end of the day on Sunday, September 29th to cancel your enrollment.Upon cancellation, you will be refunded, all further scheduled payments will be stopped, and you will be removed from the program.
Deconstructing motherhood
Welcome!!You've officially registered for Deconstructing Motherhood, and I'm so happy to go on this journey with you.A welcome email with important information is headed to your inbox right now, so be on the lookout. If you don't see the email, please double-check your spam folder.If you have any questions or if you don't receive the email, please reach out here: [email protected]
Let's be honest about "good" mothers...
Traditionally, our society defines a "good" mother as one who practices a form of mothering that upholds the dominant culture's ideologies and ways of being.These ideologies and ways of being are intertwined with systems of domination, extraction, and exploitation, and they perpetuate white supremacist, hetero-patriarchal, and capitalistic values.
A good mother's role, day in and day out, is to instill these ideologies in her children. As they grow, they learn to accept and not question their own exploitation or the exploitation of others. They become adults who see this as normal, ensuring the perpetuation of these harmful systems through their compliance.A good mother is not supposed to rock the boat nor question anything, especially and specifically her own exploitation, erasure, and harm. She is expected to maintain the status quo and go with the flow.Doing the opposite, raising children who are free thinkers interested in abolishing these systems of domination instead of colluding with them, while simultaneously understanding and challenging her own social and political location and harm, disrupts the entire motherhood system.Imagine a new definition of a good mother. One that celebrates mothers who encourage their children to think critically, question oppressive systems/ideologies, and strive for a more equitable world. A good mother, in this sense, would foster her children's independence, empathy, and desire for liberation while also engaging in self-reflection and challenging her own role in these systems.
The Spell of the Good Mother Says...
The spell of the good mother says that if you don’t enjoy being a mother, something is wrong with you, not motherhood.The spell of the good mother says that as a mother, you’re supposed to be okay with being erased.The spell of the good mother says that once you become a mother, you’ll garner more respect and regard than you did as just a “woman.”The spell of the good mother says that mothering should come naturally to you, and if you’re not sure what you’re doing or need help, something is wrong with you.The spell of the good mother says that it’s required for you to always be with and around your children for them to do well. You must become your children's environment.The spell of the good mother says that as a mother, you’re only supposed to be fulfilled by raising your children and by being a mother.The spell of the good mother says you’re not supposed to have any conflicting feelings about motherhood.The spell of the good mother says it’s normal for you to constantly feel depleted, guilty, and overwhelmed because that's a sign that you’re doing the job right.The spell of the good mother says there is only one way for your children to be “successful.”The spell of the good mother says there is only one universally acceptable mothering mode.The spell of the good mother says that you’re supposed to be a selfless being who tends to and cares for everyone except yourself and at the cost of yourself.The spell of the good mother says the isolation of motherhood is normal and required.The spell of the good mother requires women who enter into the sphere of motherhood to think of themselves, their social location, and their mothering practices as apolitical.
“Let’s look at mothering as a creative practice defined not by the state, but by our evolving collective relationship to each other, our moments together, and a possible future.” - Alexis Pauline Gumbs
From Good To Revolutionary
Because to do the opposite, to raise children who are free thinkers interested in abolishing these systems of domination instead of collusion while also challenging her own social location and harm would disrupt a system and way of being that is dependent on her participation and silence. Moving in this way would deem her “not” a good mother.She is not supposed to rock the boat nor question anything, especially and specifically her own exploitation, erasure, and harm.Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for a new definition of the “good” mother.
Let's be honest about "good" mothers...
A good mother in our society is defined as one who uses her motherhood to uphold and nurture white supremacist heteropatriarchal capitalistic ideologies.Her job, day in and day out, is to spoon-feed these violent ways of thinking and being to her children so that they’ll later become comfortable with and don’t question their exploitation or the exploitation of others.
Together Let's Break The Spell of The Good Mother and move from
From Good To Revolutionary
Because to do the opposite, to raise children who are free thinkers interested in abolishing these systems of domination instead of collusion while also challenging her own social location and harm would disrupt a system and way of being that is dependent on her participation and silence. Moving in this way would deem her “not” a good mother.She is not supposed to rock the boat nor question anything, especially and specifically her own exploitation, erasure, and harm.Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for a new definition of the “good” mother.
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