Deconstructing motherhood
An exploration into the social and historical construction, possibility, and responsibility of motherhood and mothering in the 21st century and beyond.
For 10 months, we'll explore the history, politics, and possibilities of mothering in the 21st century. We'll tell the truth about what it asks of us, where it came from, and what else it could be.
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Deconstructing motherhood
A NOTE ON REFUNDS, RECIPROCITY, AND RESPONSIBILITYMost of the systems we live inside—corporations, institutions, bureaucracies—are built to consolidate power. They hold the leverage. They write the rules. They lock people in. They offer little to no room for humanity or change. I don’t want to replicate that.But I also can’t pretend I’m outside of it. This is my livelihood. This is my labor. This is how I support my family.When you say yes to my work, you are choosing to learn from a Black woman. A Black single mother. A sole provider. What I offer here doesn’t come from nowhere. It is built from lived experience, intellectual rigor, emotional labor, and years of commitment. It is resourced in real time—by me.So I’ve done my best to build a refund and cancellation policy that reflects what I actually believe:That we are responsible to each other.
That showing up should be mutual.
That intention matters.
And that care does not mean over-functioning.
BEFORE YOU ENROLLPlease take a pause.
Look at the calendar.
Look at your finances.
Consider your energy.Ask yourself: Is this something I can say yes to...not just today, but over the course of this offering?I know life is unpredictable. You can’t map out every twist or turn. I’m not asking you to. But I am asking you to make a thoughtful, grounded decision. Because when people say yes casually and exit quietly, it creates a ripple. On me. On the space. On the collective container we’re building.This isn’t a gym membership. This isn’t a faceless brand or a mega corporation. This is relational work. And I want us to start that relationship in right alignment.
REFUND & CANCELLATION POLICY✴ 7-Day Grace Period:
Everyone, whether paying in full or in monthly installments, has 7 days from the program start date to request a full refund. No questions asked.This grace period exists because I know we can’t always know what something will feel like until you step inside. That’s okay.✴ After Grace Period - Within 30 Days:If You Paid In Full:
You will be refunded the total you paid minus the equivalent of two monthly payments at the rate you enrolled in. (Example: If you paid in full $950, and withdraw within the 30-day window, you'll receive a refund of $760)If You’re On A Monthly Payment Plan:
I will stop all future payments, and you won’t be charged going forward.This ensures that, if you exit, you've paid for the time you participated - no more, no less - and it's fair to everyone, whether you paid in full or on a monthly basis.✴ After 30 Days: No refunds are available, regardless of payment type.
I won’t chase you down. I won’t threaten collection. But I ask you not to ghost. I ask you to be in right relationship with the decision you made when you signed up. I ask you to be responsible.This is the most honest policy I can offer:
-It gives everyone the same opportunity to know if the space is right for them
-Not rigid. Not punitive.
-It protects my ability to sustain this work and care for my family
-It keeps us in right relationshipIf we want to live and learn outside systems that extract and dominate, we have to show up differently. This is one way that I'm practicing that. Thank you for practicing it with me.
Deconstructing motherhood
Welcome!!You've officially registered for Deconstructing Motherhood, and I'm so happy to go on this journey with you.A welcome email with important information is headed to your inbox right now, so be on the lookout. If you don't see the email, please double-check your spam folder.If you have any questions or if you don't receive the email, please reach out here: [email protected]
Let's be honest about "good" mothers...
Traditionally, our society defines a "good" mother as one who practices a form of mothering that upholds the dominant culture's ideologies and ways of being.These ideologies and ways of being are intertwined with systems of domination, extraction, and exploitation, and they perpetuate white supremacist, hetero-patriarchal, and capitalistic values.
A good mother's role, day in and day out, is to instill these ideologies in her children. As they grow, they learn to accept and not question their own exploitation or the exploitation of others. They become adults who see this as normal, ensuring the perpetuation of these harmful systems through their compliance.A good mother is not supposed to rock the boat nor question anything, especially and specifically her own exploitation, erasure, and harm. She is expected to maintain the status quo and go with the flow.Doing the opposite, raising children who are free thinkers interested in abolishing these systems of domination instead of colluding with them, while simultaneously understanding and challenging her own social and political location and harm, disrupts the entire motherhood system.Imagine a new definition of a good mother. One that celebrates mothers who encourage their children to think critically, question oppressive systems/ideologies, and strive for a more equitable world. A good mother, in this sense, would foster her children's independence, empathy, and desire for liberation while also engaging in self-reflection and challenging her own role in these systems.
The Spell of the Good Mother Says...
The spell of the good mother says that if you don’t enjoy being a mother, something is wrong with you, not motherhood.The spell of the good mother says that as a mother, you’re supposed to be okay with being erased.The spell of the good mother says that once you become a mother, you’ll garner more respect and regard than you did as just a “woman.”The spell of the good mother says that mothering should come naturally to you, and if you’re not sure what you’re doing or need help, something is wrong with you.The spell of the good mother says that it’s required for you to always be with and around your children for them to do well. You must become your children's environment.The spell of the good mother says that as a mother, you’re only supposed to be fulfilled by raising your children and by being a mother.The spell of the good mother says you’re not supposed to have any conflicting feelings about motherhood.The spell of the good mother says it’s normal for you to constantly feel depleted, guilty, and overwhelmed because that's a sign that you’re doing the job right.The spell of the good mother says there is only one way for your children to be “successful.”The spell of the good mother says there is only one universally acceptable mothering mode.The spell of the good mother says that you’re supposed to be a selfless being who tends to and cares for everyone except yourself and at the cost of yourself.The spell of the good mother says the isolation of motherhood is normal and required.The spell of the good mother requires women who enter into the sphere of motherhood to think of themselves, their social location, and their mothering practices as apolitical.
“Let’s look at mothering as a creative practice defined not by the state, but by our evolving collective relationship to each other, our moments together, and a possible future.” - Alexis Pauline Gumbs
From Good To Revolutionary
Because to do the opposite, to raise children who are free thinkers interested in abolishing these systems of domination instead of collusion while also challenging her own social location and harm would disrupt a system and way of being that is dependent on her participation and silence. Moving in this way would deem her “not” a good mother.She is not supposed to rock the boat nor question anything, especially and specifically her own exploitation, erasure, and harm.Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for a new definition of the “good” mother.
Let's be honest about "good" mothers...
A good mother in our society is defined as one who uses her motherhood to uphold and nurture white supremacist heteropatriarchal capitalistic ideologies.Her job, day in and day out, is to spoon-feed these violent ways of thinking and being to her children so that they’ll later become comfortable with and don’t question their exploitation or the exploitation of others.
Together Let's Break The Spell of The Good Mother and move from
From Good To Revolutionary
Because to do the opposite, to raise children who are free thinkers interested in abolishing these systems of domination instead of collusion while also challenging her own social location and harm would disrupt a system and way of being that is dependent on her participation and silence. Moving in this way would deem her “not” a good mother.She is not supposed to rock the boat nor question anything, especially and specifically her own exploitation, erasure, and harm.Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for a new definition of the “good” mother.
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Thank you
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